he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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