I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Alive.
So much puke
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
