in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize