i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
