I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
