I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
