The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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