have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
