he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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