I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
