Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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