so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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