...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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