i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
