Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
