u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
