They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
