I love how my cats smell like pot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize