you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
