so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
