just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
