I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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