My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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