he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
