come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
