I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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