So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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