dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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