Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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