i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
