So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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