On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I will be naked everywhere
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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