i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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