I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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