Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
