apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
