im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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