You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
