i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
