also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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