Duck Duck Cougar?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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