he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if only i could text you this smell
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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