I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
