My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
