This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she smelled like a LAN party
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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