dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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