she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
