So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
