i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
