How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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