He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
