my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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