Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
