Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
