Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
