he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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