so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
