is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
