There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
