doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
