so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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