if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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