just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
