this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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