fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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