we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
