do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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